My Self Portrait

February 2018

The last few years I’ve been hermit-like and not super open about myself or my life. I hardly share anything personal on social media anymore, and I really just keep to myself. With some recent events I’ve decided I’m going to make changes and start working back out of this shell I’ve been hiding in. I feel like I owe it to all of you… past and future clients as well as friends and family.

I’m currently taking an online mentoring class with one of the best family documentary/family photojournalist photographers in the world. I’ve mentored with her a couple of times before, except this class is really digging deep to figure out our perspectives as artists. The first assignment was journaling about ourselves and then creating a self-portrait. So… here it is, my self-portrait taken in February 2018.

Self Portrait of a Dallas Documentary Photographer Lawren Rose Photography

This is a glimpse into what my life looks like.. feels like.. sounds like. I started my photography business when my daughter was 11 months old. No, my daughter didn’t inspire me to pick up a camera and take pictures. I’m not a Mom-tog, even though I am a Mother and a Photographer. I’m an artist, and I longed for something more in life than just being a Stay-at-home-mom. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love being a Mother to this strong-willed little girl (who’s now 2.5 years old), but I didn’t want to lose a part of who I was.

A little background: I’ve been an artist for my entire life… drawing, painting, printmaking, any and all of it. I graduated with a Bachelor of Arts in 2012, and then everything stopped because… well, what the hell do you do with an art degree? As the years went by I missed the long hours working on art projects and just letting it all consume me. I craved going back in time and reliving that life very badly! So you can imagine what happened when I found a style of photography that I liked?

The photo above is an example of what it’s like to be a parent and an artist. I struggle every single day trying to balance a life that not only makes me happy, but makes the rest of my family happy too. I struggle with trying to become the best version of myself, but also trying to just be a good parent to my daughter. This year I’ve had to hire help so that I could actually sit and work, and not neglect my little girl who wants/needs my attention. There’s a lot of guilt… lots and lots of Mommy Guilt. It’s not easy to admit that sometimes I wish I could reverse time. So, I made this picture. There I am sitting at my new desk in our new house that we bought to be closer to my birthing clients. I’m doing what I usually do about 5-9 hours a day.. editing photos/videos, returning emails, making huge business changes, trying to post on social media more, trying to make my business look good and run good, etc. And then there’s little Claire on the other side of my desk being forced on this crazy ride. Sometimes she watches her iPad a little too much, and then she will start misbehaving and doing things like climbing on the desk because she wants my attention. And then there’s my laptop, my work, dividing us.

This is my life, my accomplishments and my faults. This is me being just a little bit vulnerable and exposed.

By |2018-10-31T15:04:29+00:00March 3rd, 2018|About Me|11 Comments

About the Author:

Lawren Rose Photography specializes in documentary family photography and birth photography in dallas texas and fort worth texas

11 Comments

  1. David Mullin March 3, 2018 at 1:36 pm - Reply

    Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. As I was a stay-at-home father, I can relate to the need to have something for yourself. I love the self-portrait as well. You managed to share so many different emotions in one photograph.

  2. Kourtnie March 3, 2018 at 4:24 pm - Reply

    I truly love this glimpse into who you are. Knowing I’m not the only one that struggles with the balance. Thank you for being human and showing it publicly

  3. Kaleen March 3, 2018 at 5:41 pm - Reply

    For real. The balance is a struggle. I too graduated with a BFA and think longingly about the days where I could spend hours and hours uninterrupted in the studio. I don’t think there’s any way to escape the mom guilt about neglecting our children to pursue creative work or even the bitterness of not being able to pursue creative work like we used to because of our children. I love your self portrait. It makes perfect sense. Keep putting yourself out there.

  4. Polina Bulman March 3, 2018 at 5:55 pm - Reply

    Lawren, this is beautiful and special and very honest and brave! ❤ way to go, girl! Every mom can relate!

  5. Diana March 3, 2018 at 6:01 pm - Reply

    Great image and I completely relate to the struggle of mom guilt! Thanks for sharing this.

  6. Caroline March 3, 2018 at 11:21 pm - Reply

    Stoey of my life. I feel like worlds shittiest mom on the regular. Lol

  7. Alice March 4, 2018 at 3:46 pm - Reply

    Such a powerful portrait, and of course so artful too. The juggling we all have to do every single day is crazy – I really relate to this.

  8. Amy March 7, 2018 at 11:06 am - Reply

    Owning who we are and not being afraid to share is empowering. Thank you for being vulnerable in this post! I’m inspired to try and show what my life looks like through my person and not just my kids. Thank you for that.

  9. Jenna March 7, 2018 at 12:23 pm - Reply

    Lawren, this picture and your words are so powerful. I love that you are putting yourself “out there” in here more. Being an artist, a business owner and a partner at once is hard work – I can’t even imagine how hard it is to add “mother” to that list.

  10. Morgana March 14, 2018 at 6:29 am - Reply

    I loved your post! It’s powerful and it made me want to read more! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

  11. Kelly March 15, 2018 at 8:02 am - Reply

    This is the most beautiful self portrait. I am so drawn to it, and now I feel like I really really know you. I want to come over and have coffee. I feel like we would be kindred spirits! <3 I've been mentoring with Kirsten for almost two years now too and it's been the most amazing, life-business-personal changing experience ever!

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