What I Learned From Attending 100 Births

Life, Labor, Birth

lawren rose photography a dallas birth photographer takes a picture at a birth with baby on moms chest and dad kissing moms forehead

Image from my 100th birth

Lawren Rose Photography recently celebrated it’s 4th birthday! It’s still shocking to me that I’ve been on this journey for 4 years! I’m always learning tricks of the trade and consider myself a forever student, so when birth number 100 came up I was surprised. I honestly never thought I would be the person to run my own business – even a photography business at that! Shoot, I hated photography in college! But, here I am… 4 years in, 100 births attended, and finally got myself a big girl business banking account because my normal bank flagged me and kicked me out, WOOHOO! (Okay, for real though, I had NO clue there was “business” banking!)

My business turned 4, my daughter is about to turn 5. Photography for me has been a creative outlet, a way for me to get away. To put it lightly, my child has had some health issues. Some moments where very traumatic and we all have PTSD from it. If you know me in person, you know what I’m talking about. So when I say this is my creative outlet, I mean it. Every single one of my images has my emotions, experiences, and my wounds burned right into it. And I will fully admit that me having my job is a selfish thing that I do for myself. People talk about self-care being about bubble baths or massages (no offense, I totally love that too!), but documenting births is my own self-care. I love it with every ounce of my soul! My business is my baby – the baby/child I didn’t get. It’s the reason I still get a lump in my throat every time I hear a Mom struggling during contractions and then whaling when her baby is finally born and in her arms. I LOVE this for you, and I want you to remember how happy this moment was.

And in the births that didn’t go as planned and had some bumps in the road… well, you need those too. I needed it when we were in the thick of my daughters health issues. I didn’t realize I couldn’t photograph her until someone pointed it out. What photographer can’t photograph their own family? Because taking that photo makes her condition real and permanent. Because deep down I am praying this doesn’t last forever… except when it does I end up with zero photos of my kid. So I take the hard photos in my own life and in birth.

If you follow the enneagram, I recently discovered that I am a 4. Mind blown!!! It’s like I was reading my soul! All the thoughts I’ve ever had about myself, bam! So, I am a 4. I am a highly emotional artist who digs deep into my darkest places in order to grow and become a better human. I’ve always known I was different, so much so that I could feel it in every ounce of my being. I was misunderstood. I could see the world in a way that no one else could, and I tried sooo hard to get people to see like me. This is probably why I fell in love with photography so much, because I can give other people my eyes.

Being a 4 means that I sometimes become so obsessive over my own childhood trauma that I annoy myself. See, like right now I’m annoying myself! I am going on and on about my crap at home, but I promise it has significance. My daughters health issues forced me to question things I had never questioned before. It forced me to research things I never thought I’d research. Between her existence on earth and me using photography as a creative outlet, I have been on one super intense spiritual journey. So to celebrate my 100th birth, I am writing this blog post in hopes someone else finds this quirky-cool like I do.

lawren rose photography a dallas birth photographer takes a picture at a home birth where mom is laboring in the tub leaning on dad

Life is like a box of contractions

If you are birth nerd, you know what a contraction is. For those of you who don’t, a contraction in labor is when the uterine muscle tightens and shortens in intervals to help push a baby down and out. A contraction is usually something that hurts or is painful, but brings a great purpose. While sometimes it can be an excruciating thing to experience, we do so because on the other side of labor is our baby waiting to meet us.

I have now witnessed just over 100 people have babies in a variety of ways, and the families who choose to feel the contractions all have something in common. Birth affirmations and positive mantras. Labor is a marathon! It might seem like there is no end in sight. Majority of laboring people will have moments where they say “I can’t do this anymore” or “I just need a break”. Usually the partner, doula, or other support person will contradict you and say “Yes, you can! You can do this, you are doing this!” Other affirmations and positive mantras might include: “One contraction at a time”, “I am not afraid”, “This is pain with a purpose”, etc.

Throughout my own spiritual growth, I have learned that contractions are everywhere. Contractions are the tantrums your child has. Contractions are when your car gets stolen during a pandemic. Contractions are when you lose your job or your loved one passes away. In life, there are these moments where it feels like your soul is being squeezed from your body. When the contraction is over, most of the time you can look back and see it from a different view point. Just as a mother would forget how painful her contractions were, you too would forget how painful that moment was. It is a roller coaster of emotions, and there will be ups and downs, waxing and waning. We all have experienced the lowest of lows and you feel like you can’t continue on. That, my friends, is a contraction. And guess what? Just like in labor, the contraction you are experiencing will end – history can prove that. But, there will be more contractions coming so you gotta prepare yourself and remember… you can get through it, I promise! You did it before, you can do it again.

lawren rose photography, a plano birth photographer, takes a photo of a laboring mom at allen birthing center
lawren rose photography takes a photograph of a mom having an intense contraction and throwing a pillow

One Wave at a Time

Because we know that contractions come and go like clockwork, it is suggested that you focus on one contraction at a time. Only worry about working through this one, right now. Don’t think about how many more you have left because this is a marathon and you’re in it for the long haul. And quite honestly… you don’t have a choice. The best thing to do is to surrender to the process and know that these contractions have meaning. The end result is you getting to meet your baby! Or in everyday life, the end result is growth and newfound knowledge. The result of the contraction is a new way of thinking and possible self-discovery.

***This is one of the reasons doing cervical checks in labor can mess with your head. If the number isn’t where you think it should be, you’re more likely to give up. But in reality, we don’t really know how intense your next contraction will be, and we don’t know how many more contractions you have left. Take it one contraction at a time, one wave at a time. Focus on the here and the now, and when it’s over, take a huge sigh of relief that you don’t have to do that contraction again.

lawren rose photography a dallas birth photographer takes a picture at a home birth of a mom crying and receiving comfort from her birth team

Fake it ’til you make it

If you have childhood trauma (which you might because it seems like the norm these days), you’ll likely have quite a few self-destructive subconscious thoughts. I didn’t know how bad I had it until a year ago. I would have thoughts that said “You’re so stupid, why would you do that? No wonder people don’t like you. No wonder you don’t have any friends.” or the big one “You’re so fat, it’s no wonder people don’t take you seriously. You can’t even stick to a basic diet. You are such a failure. Look at you trying another diet again like you can even stick with it.” I know I’m not the only one, but you know what’s really crazy?? I wasn’t born with these thoughts about myself. Somewhere along the lines I learned that this is who I was and that I was unworthy of love. It took me 30 years to finally realize that this is not who I was… and actually, I had no clue who I was underneath all the social conditioning.

I had a huge shift in my life when I started talking to myself in a different way. I basically started manifesting my own reality. I have attended many births with Teri Mitchell with BundleBorn Midwifery, and sometimes she tells her clients…

When you’v had a big contraction, instead of saying “that was a bad contraction”, try to say “Wow, that was a good one!” and when the next contraction is coming, instead of running away from it, say “Yes, another contraction is coming! I can do this!” Even if you don’t think it’s true, eventually you will say it out loud enough times that you will start to believe it.”

Think how differently we will feel about ourselves if we practiced this in our daily lives. How wonderful could life be if we woke up in the morning and said out loud, “Today is a good day!” Or what I’ve recently been doing… “I am worthy, I am loved. I am healthy, I am safe.” Even if you don’t believe it, eventually you will… and you should! Because you’re worth it! Even if no one has ever told you that before, you are worth it!


-Lawren