The Labyrinth

An Update in Branding (again)

I’m putting in a trigger warning here to let you know some things might be hard to read.

For all of my career I’ve had a pink rose as my logo.. and it’s no wonder! F-ing Lawren ROSE Photography! Who wouldn’t use a rose?? And while I definitely chose a more creative representation of a rose, it still didn’t represent ME. But, what else would I pick? A camera?? Uhhh, no. heck no. So I continued on with the same idea.

6 months ago there was a shift. If you follow me on instagram then you’ve seen me talk about my concussion (every time I type that, I wonder if I should remove the word “my”, as if I am continuously grasping at the word like my identity depended on it). If you haven’t read about it, go to my Highlights. The shortened version of that story – I fell ice skating with my daughter, hit my head on the ice, and it wiped out my short term memory.

I died that weekend. Not me physically, obviously… because I’m still here, but a large part of me died. The part of me who had major codependency and was hoping someone would come rescue me. The part of me who had massive depression and suicidal thoughts. The part of me who kept looking into the future – I will only be happy when….

…when I lose weight.

…when I am booked for 5+ births per month.

…when my house is renovated and pristine.

…when my daughter’s eczema goes away.

Like any healing journey, mine was all but linear. I spent months breaking down and sweeping up the mess on repeat. During this time I decided my logo had to go! Keep reading to find out the main elements that went into this new design!

Labyrinths, different than mazes, are designed to help you find your way. They lead you to a center and increase wisdom and discernment. The only way to get to the end is to go through it – to surrender. Mazes. however, are designed to make you lose your way and are constructed to be confusing and misleading with lots of dead ends.

Birth is a labyrinth.

The Summer of 2015, we sat in a sunroom of a woman’s home in San Antonio, Texas. My husband and I were among 5 other couples – Moms and Dads-to-be. We were in a Natural Birthing Class called Birthing From Within.

In the class we created art to help process our fears about labor and birth, we held ice cubes for a set amount of time to practice enduring discomfort, and we learned how to draw a labyrinth. Often, we would trace our fingers around the labyrinth as a symbol of every contraction felt in the womb – and the entire birthing process as a whole. Because birth is unpredictable, sometimes things don’t go according to planned… but the only choice we have is to surrender to the process. We also learned about Labor Land, which I mention often in my social media posts. Labor Land refers to the out-of-body experience some Moms feel while in active labor. They know where their body is in terms of physical location, but everything else is gone and time doesn’t exist.

I experienced Labor Land with my own birth, and I watch other women experience it through the births I photograph. This is the part of my job that I love the most! Just simply being a witness to another human being having to dig deep into themselves to overcome something hard. I get to document the struggles, the pain, the exhaustion… I get to watch doulas, midwives, doctors, and partners sit with the Mom’s and talk them through it, sometimes holding their hair back when they vomit.

Your birthing journey starts the moment your contractions start or your water breaks. Each turn of the labyrinth reflects an emotional and spiritual experience of giving birth. The soul of birth. You can stop and take a break, cry, scream, process, and then continue on and pick up where you left off.

Each time you walk the labyrinth, breathe… you’ve got this. It will be worth it in the end.

Parenthood is a labyrinth.

Parenting is f-ing hard, for everyone. We all have our struggles, whether we seek help for them or we suffer in silence. If you follow me on Instagram, then you know a little bit about my journey in parenthood. My 6 year old daughter has severe food allergies and eczema, and has had it since she was 1 month old. She’s on a restricted vegan diet because she reacts to proteins. With her condition also comes intense emotions – for all of us. A human can only handle so much. The extreme 40 minute itchy meltdowns that end in blood baths, the random bouts of yelling/night terrors at night, the aggressive sensory seeking hitting/kicking/screaming… It’s legit like living with an abusive person. (This analogy is the only way I’ve been able to cope with my own emotions towards it).

The only way out is to keep moving forward. There are no secret paths to find. For my daughter, we chose the path of healing, which means all the short cuts for temporary band-aids were removed. Parenting has contractions like birth and it has highs and lows like a labyrinth, and it required dedication. You can stop and take a break, cry, scream, process, and then continue on and pick up where you left off.

Each time you walk the labyrinth, breathe… you’ve got this. It will be worth it in the end.

Healing Journey is a labyrinth.

I didn’t choose this journey, it chose me. When I became a Mom, I realized all the things I did in parenting that wasn’t ME. I desperately wanted to be ME, Lawren… not the generational crap that was passed down to me. But, who was I without it? My healing journey started with getting help from a wide range of avenues, such as naturopaths, homeopaths, energy healers, counseling, and using plant medicines to help guide the process. Each one served it’s purpose in self-discovery, spirituality, and physical/mental health. Choosing to walk this path has allowed me to dig up parts of myself I didn’t know existed.

I always wondered why I sometimes didn’t have appropriate reactions to certain events in my life… and it’s because I am a big giant ball of suppressed emotions. I legit thought I was good on this part because I’m that person who can talk about anything… but sometimes I get triggered and I’m not sure if I’m safe. This new awareness has taught me a lot, more specifically, the thing’s that aren’t actually normal. Like, it’s not normal to have an alcoholic Dad who never calls you – not even to tell you Happy Birthday. I mean, what is he hiding from??? It’s not normal to have self-destructive subconscious thoughts that tell you how stupid you are, how fat you are, or how worthless you are… Who told me these things? I learned that it’s not normal to have suicidal thoughts as a kid, and to do things to your body just to inflict pain… What was I struggling with? Through this process of self-discovery, I’ve been able to move myself from being in denial to just doing-something-about-it.

The work I’ve been doing specifically pertaining to energy healing and plant medicine has a very strong relation to the labyrinth, and is surprisingly similar to Labor Land as well. I combined the labyrinth design with shipibo art to represent this connection to shamanic practices. Because this work has been so profound in healing my trauma, I couldn’t not include it. The process is a rebirth, a death and birth… Death being the break down of the parts of you that no longer serve you, and birth being the result of shedding those pieces. Each time through the labyrinth is a rebirth. I’ve had to surrender and accept the parts of myself that hurt. I’ve had to be okay with feeling shame, guilt, and embarrassment. I’ve had to dig deep into myself to just simply… let go. You can stop and take a break, cry, scream, process, and then continue on and pick up where you left off.

Each time you walk the labyrinth, breathe… you’ve got this. It will be worth it in the end.

Why do I choose to be vulnerable?

Because Birth is vulnerable. Because I am invited into so many sacred and intimate spaces where both women and men are stripped of their modesty. I walk along-side all types of families taking their journey through the labyrinth. I’ve been there, I know what it’s like. I know how hard it is, how far you’ve come, and the joy you feel when you finally make it to the center.

When I’m vulnerable and open about being human, it creates a connection with my clients and nurtures a relationship where we can simply enjoy each other’s presence. Zero judgement, neutral energy, and safe spaces.